Birthday Memories

I spent all day Friday (mom’s birthday) pouring through her journals searching for some happy memories from her birthday to share.  It was actually a very difficult day for me and I ended up crying throughout the day – feeling bad for her in times of sadness, feeling guilty for not being a better daughter and just missing her. 

I went through the same process on Thanksgiving searching for memories of this holiday.  Both days I ended up getting sucked in to the stories and ended up reading and crying all day, too emotionally spent to write a blog post.  So, I apologize for taking so long to make a post. 

 It took several volumes before I found anything worth writing about for her birthday.  Her birthdays were not always happy days for her.  Many years her birthday was forgotten.  For this reason, I feel like she always started out the day depressed, waiting for everyone to forget about her.   As the years went by and us kids got older (and better and remembering), her birthdays were happier events.

It was an especially hard day for her after 1994 when her brother Roger passed away on her birthday.  She wrote a great deal about his illness, which I will write about later.

I am learning so much about mom through her journals.  It is a very emotional journey to read them and to re-live much of my own life through her eyes.  She poured her heart out in her journals.  She talked about the good and the bad.  I really hope that as time goes on, I will be able to share a sense of who she really was. 

As a side note. . . I am really looking forward to Christmas.  I have found so many great things to write about, so keep an eye out for another post this week.

 

December 20, 1979 – Today is my birthday.  Not one member of my family even remembered to say happy birthday.  It has hurt me.  It goes to show how much I am thought of on this my special day.  I don’t plan to mention anything about it tonight either.  Why should I have to remind people that it is my birthday.  If they don’t remember at all that will just show me just how much I really mean to my family.  I’m just someone to wait on them hand and foot.  At least my own parents remembered me.  They sent me $10.00 and they wished me a happy birthday over the phone.  I also received beautiful cards from Bea and Juanita.  So much for my day today. 

December 28, 1979 – Well I had a nice birthday after all.  Bob had forgotten about my birthday during the day.  Frank told him it was when he got home from work.  Bob had Frank go to the tree and get my present.  He gave me a calculator with a memory for my birthday.  Cindy called me from work when she remembered and wished me a happy birthday.  I thought that was very thoughtful of her.  Cindy gave me a pretty dinner bell.

December 21, 1980 – Yesterday was my birthday.  I really had a nice day, excusing the fact that I wasn’t feeling well.  To begin the day Bea and Bill called me from Tahoe to wish me a happy birthday.  That was really a nice surprise.  Bea talked to everyone except Cindy, so it cost her some money for the phone call.  I really enjoyed talking to her.  The day was just spent shopping for Christmas.  Oh yes, Bob fixed breakfast for me after I made the batter.  In the evening, about 9:30 pm we celebrated my birthday.  Bob bought a cake and some ice cream.  On the cake he had them write happy 29^th birthday again.  Bob gave me a real nice pair of gloves and Cindy gave me a dinner bell (crystal) to add to my collection.  Lora was disappointed because Cindy had given me the bell.  She said, “Oh Mother that’s what I was going to give you for Christmas.”

December 20, 1984 – Today is my birthday.  Neither Frank or Bob remembered to wish me a happy birthday.  Bob gave me my present a few days ago.  I picked it out, a new coat with a hood.  It is a coat that will keep me nice and warm as I wait for the bus. 

December 20, 1985 – Today is my 50^th birthday.  Lora wished me a happy birthday last night.  She is coming over this afternoon to cut my hair – her birthday gift to me.  Chacha called this morning to wish me a happy birthday.  Mother just now called this morning to wish me a happy birthday.  Cindy left a birthday gift for me here, but I have not opened it yet.  I was waiting until this evening when Bob and Frank are here.  I still feel rather down today.  I suppose it is because I have been alone all day.

December 21, 1989 – At 7:30 yesterday morning the phone rang.  It was Cindy – as soon as I said hello, she and the children sang happy birthday to me.  I sure enjoyed that.

December 21, 1993 – I wanted to state in closing my chapter on Roger.  When I realized I could not return home at the appointed time, I felt complete turmoil and not at peace with myself – like I filt when investigating the church many years ago when I had made up my mind what my course of action would be, I felt at complete rest with myself.  I knew the day I was to return home would be my birthday and it would also be the day of my brother’s departure from this earthly life.  I did not share this information with my family.  They would have thought me out of my mond.  I knew they day, but not the time.

December 21, 1994 – The 20^th of December was a hard day for me.  I did a lot of remembering and crying.  I feel more at peace now.  On the whole, it was a nice day.  Mom, Dad & Tia called and talked with me and Gilbert was there so I got to talk to him also.  I felt so down until mom called.  Bea called me and we talked for a while.  It was so nice to talk to her.  Lora called me and I was crying like a baby.  She invited me out to lunch and I picked the place.  She came over with the kids and we went to Frontier Pies.  It was very nice.  When the waitress came to take our order, Lora told them it was my birthday and the employees sang happy birthday to me.  When we were finished, we went shopping at Best and then Lora brought me home where I found the present from Dad, Mom and Tia (little fruit cakes).  I loved them – so good.  When Bob got home in the evening, we left right away for the Olive Garden where we planned to have dinner.  We were never waited on and so we finally walked out and went to Denny’s where we were waited on immediately.  I had a BLT sandwich and a glass of lemonade.  After dinner we went to a movie and that was our evening.

December 19, 1995 – Tomorrow is my birthday – the big “60”.  Lora had a birthday cake for me last night.  She had it made. Tamara and Bobby bought the ice cream.  Frank came and Cindy and Wade were with us also.  They came up to do some Christmas shopping.  I received some nice cards and CD’s.