I just know I'm not going to llike it!

Mom's journals are filled with fond and happy memories of Christmas.  Here are two that I really liked.  Merry Christmas!

Do you have any special memories of the holidays?

I believe our best Christmas was a year that we had absolutely no money.  Mom and dad normally waited until Christmas  Eve when times were hard to purchase a tree.  They could buy one for $1.50.  They didn’t have the money.  Dad and Gilbert went out by the old jail house and cut off a limb from an oak tree.  Dad built a stand for it.  It was the prettiest tree we ever had.  I don’t know if that was the same year that Santa came to our house and when the Catholic Church delivered a big box of food.  I remember how thankful and grateful we were.  It was a special Christmas.

December 26, 1973 - When Bob came home two weeks ago he bought a gift and put it under the tree.  The kids said it was for me and I noticed it was from Deseret Book.  Bob said it was a family gift.  I picked up the package and naturally I rattled it.  After doing this I said, “Oh it’s a game, what else could it be from Deseret Book?”  Bob then replied back saying something to me that really made me feel that I was right.  The gift turned out to be a Book of Remembrance.  I really was fooled but well pleased as I’ve needed a new book for some time.

Now I want to write about the 2^nd gift Bob gave me.  Saturday or rather this past Friday night when Bob came in from Salt Lake he again had a gift which was in a plain looking box, the kind you get from a clothing store.  He gave it to Cindy and told her to wrap it.  When I saw the box I thought to myself oh no, he’s bought me a dress and I know I’m not going to like it.  I’d like to add that Bob told me continuously that I would not like his gift.  At one time I asked him why he bought it for me if he knew I would not like it.  Saturday night Bob asked me what dress size I wore.  I told him what size, but that it really depended on the amount of money spent on the dress as to what size I wore.  An expensive dress would be a smaller size and a less expensive dress, a larger size. 

Bob then said, “Oh no, I know you aren’t going to like what I got you now”.  After this remark I just knew I wasn’t going to like what he got me.  I was now positive he had gotten me a dress, a lesser expensive  one and the wrong size.  I began to feel a little sick inside because I dreaded opening his gift to me.  I just knew I would be terribly disappointed, hurt in a way and I knew I’d show my reaction.  I didn’t want Bob to know that I didn’t like his gift.

Christmas eve Bob said to me, “I think you better open your gift tonight because you aren’t going to like it”.  Again, I thought, “Oh no, he’s gotten me something really terrible”.

Bob couldn’t find the gift under the tree, so he said I’d have to wait until Christmas to open it.  He said for me to make my “Oh’s” and “Ah’s” but not to hold the gift up for everyone to see.  Now I knew I absolutely would not like what he bought me and I dreaded opening the package even more.

How surprised I was.  I just love my gift!  It was truly a great surprise.  He gave me my temple clothing and I see now why he didn’t want me to hold it up for all to see.  His dad and Juanita were with us.  Now I need to make a new dress or buy one and I’ll have all I need.  I’ve wanted my own temple clothing for a long time.

Birthday Memories

I spent all day Friday (mom’s birthday) pouring through her journals searching for some happy memories from her birthday to share.  It was actually a very difficult day for me and I ended up crying throughout the day – feeling bad for her in times of sadness, feeling guilty for not being a better daughter and just missing her. 

I went through the same process on Thanksgiving searching for memories of this holiday.  Both days I ended up getting sucked in to the stories and ended up reading and crying all day, too emotionally spent to write a blog post.  So, I apologize for taking so long to make a post. 

 It took several volumes before I found anything worth writing about for her birthday.  Her birthdays were not always happy days for her.  Many years her birthday was forgotten.  For this reason, I feel like she always started out the day depressed, waiting for everyone to forget about her.   As the years went by and us kids got older (and better and remembering), her birthdays were happier events.

It was an especially hard day for her after 1994 when her brother Roger passed away on her birthday.  She wrote a great deal about his illness, which I will write about later.

I am learning so much about mom through her journals.  It is a very emotional journey to read them and to re-live much of my own life through her eyes.  She poured her heart out in her journals.  She talked about the good and the bad.  I really hope that as time goes on, I will be able to share a sense of who she really was. 

As a side note. . . I am really looking forward to Christmas.  I have found so many great things to write about, so keep an eye out for another post this week.

 

December 20, 1979 – Today is my birthday.  Not one member of my family even remembered to say happy birthday.  It has hurt me.  It goes to show how much I am thought of on this my special day.  I don’t plan to mention anything about it tonight either.  Why should I have to remind people that it is my birthday.  If they don’t remember at all that will just show me just how much I really mean to my family.  I’m just someone to wait on them hand and foot.  At least my own parents remembered me.  They sent me $10.00 and they wished me a happy birthday over the phone.  I also received beautiful cards from Bea and Juanita.  So much for my day today. 

December 28, 1979 – Well I had a nice birthday after all.  Bob had forgotten about my birthday during the day.  Frank told him it was when he got home from work.  Bob had Frank go to the tree and get my present.  He gave me a calculator with a memory for my birthday.  Cindy called me from work when she remembered and wished me a happy birthday.  I thought that was very thoughtful of her.  Cindy gave me a pretty dinner bell.

December 21, 1980 – Yesterday was my birthday.  I really had a nice day, excusing the fact that I wasn’t feeling well.  To begin the day Bea and Bill called me from Tahoe to wish me a happy birthday.  That was really a nice surprise.  Bea talked to everyone except Cindy, so it cost her some money for the phone call.  I really enjoyed talking to her.  The day was just spent shopping for Christmas.  Oh yes, Bob fixed breakfast for me after I made the batter.  In the evening, about 9:30 pm we celebrated my birthday.  Bob bought a cake and some ice cream.  On the cake he had them write happy 29^th birthday again.  Bob gave me a real nice pair of gloves and Cindy gave me a dinner bell (crystal) to add to my collection.  Lora was disappointed because Cindy had given me the bell.  She said, “Oh Mother that’s what I was going to give you for Christmas.”

December 20, 1984 – Today is my birthday.  Neither Frank or Bob remembered to wish me a happy birthday.  Bob gave me my present a few days ago.  I picked it out, a new coat with a hood.  It is a coat that will keep me nice and warm as I wait for the bus. 

December 20, 1985 – Today is my 50^th birthday.  Lora wished me a happy birthday last night.  She is coming over this afternoon to cut my hair – her birthday gift to me.  Chacha called this morning to wish me a happy birthday.  Mother just now called this morning to wish me a happy birthday.  Cindy left a birthday gift for me here, but I have not opened it yet.  I was waiting until this evening when Bob and Frank are here.  I still feel rather down today.  I suppose it is because I have been alone all day.

December 21, 1989 – At 7:30 yesterday morning the phone rang.  It was Cindy – as soon as I said hello, she and the children sang happy birthday to me.  I sure enjoyed that.

December 21, 1993 – I wanted to state in closing my chapter on Roger.  When I realized I could not return home at the appointed time, I felt complete turmoil and not at peace with myself – like I filt when investigating the church many years ago when I had made up my mind what my course of action would be, I felt at complete rest with myself.  I knew the day I was to return home would be my birthday and it would also be the day of my brother’s departure from this earthly life.  I did not share this information with my family.  They would have thought me out of my mond.  I knew they day, but not the time.

December 21, 1994 – The 20^th of December was a hard day for me.  I did a lot of remembering and crying.  I feel more at peace now.  On the whole, it was a nice day.  Mom, Dad & Tia called and talked with me and Gilbert was there so I got to talk to him also.  I felt so down until mom called.  Bea called me and we talked for a while.  It was so nice to talk to her.  Lora called me and I was crying like a baby.  She invited me out to lunch and I picked the place.  She came over with the kids and we went to Frontier Pies.  It was very nice.  When the waitress came to take our order, Lora told them it was my birthday and the employees sang happy birthday to me.  When we were finished, we went shopping at Best and then Lora brought me home where I found the present from Dad, Mom and Tia (little fruit cakes).  I loved them – so good.  When Bob got home in the evening, we left right away for the Olive Garden where we planned to have dinner.  We were never waited on and so we finally walked out and went to Denny’s where we were waited on immediately.  I had a BLT sandwich and a glass of lemonade.  After dinner we went to a movie and that was our evening.

December 19, 1995 – Tomorrow is my birthday – the big “60”.  Lora had a birthday cake for me last night.  She had it made. Tamara and Bobby bought the ice cream.  Frank came and Cindy and Wade were with us also.  They came up to do some Christmas shopping.  I received some nice cards and CD’s.