I just know I'm not going to llike it!

Mom's journals are filled with fond and happy memories of Christmas.  Here are two that I really liked.  Merry Christmas!

Do you have any special memories of the holidays?

I believe our best Christmas was a year that we had absolutely no money.  Mom and dad normally waited until Christmas  Eve when times were hard to purchase a tree.  They could buy one for $1.50.  They didn’t have the money.  Dad and Gilbert went out by the old jail house and cut off a limb from an oak tree.  Dad built a stand for it.  It was the prettiest tree we ever had.  I don’t know if that was the same year that Santa came to our house and when the Catholic Church delivered a big box of food.  I remember how thankful and grateful we were.  It was a special Christmas.

December 26, 1973 - When Bob came home two weeks ago he bought a gift and put it under the tree.  The kids said it was for me and I noticed it was from Deseret Book.  Bob said it was a family gift.  I picked up the package and naturally I rattled it.  After doing this I said, “Oh it’s a game, what else could it be from Deseret Book?”  Bob then replied back saying something to me that really made me feel that I was right.  The gift turned out to be a Book of Remembrance.  I really was fooled but well pleased as I’ve needed a new book for some time.

Now I want to write about the 2^nd gift Bob gave me.  Saturday or rather this past Friday night when Bob came in from Salt Lake he again had a gift which was in a plain looking box, the kind you get from a clothing store.  He gave it to Cindy and told her to wrap it.  When I saw the box I thought to myself oh no, he’s bought me a dress and I know I’m not going to like it.  I’d like to add that Bob told me continuously that I would not like his gift.  At one time I asked him why he bought it for me if he knew I would not like it.  Saturday night Bob asked me what dress size I wore.  I told him what size, but that it really depended on the amount of money spent on the dress as to what size I wore.  An expensive dress would be a smaller size and a less expensive dress, a larger size. 

Bob then said, “Oh no, I know you aren’t going to like what I got you now”.  After this remark I just knew I wasn’t going to like what he got me.  I was now positive he had gotten me a dress, a lesser expensive  one and the wrong size.  I began to feel a little sick inside because I dreaded opening his gift to me.  I just knew I would be terribly disappointed, hurt in a way and I knew I’d show my reaction.  I didn’t want Bob to know that I didn’t like his gift.

Christmas eve Bob said to me, “I think you better open your gift tonight because you aren’t going to like it”.  Again, I thought, “Oh no, he’s gotten me something really terrible”.

Bob couldn’t find the gift under the tree, so he said I’d have to wait until Christmas to open it.  He said for me to make my “Oh’s” and “Ah’s” but not to hold the gift up for everyone to see.  Now I knew I absolutely would not like what he bought me and I dreaded opening the package even more.

How surprised I was.  I just love my gift!  It was truly a great surprise.  He gave me my temple clothing and I see now why he didn’t want me to hold it up for all to see.  His dad and Juanita were with us.  Now I need to make a new dress or buy one and I’ll have all I need.  I’ve wanted my own temple clothing for a long time.

Birthday Memories

I spent all day Friday (mom’s birthday) pouring through her journals searching for some happy memories from her birthday to share.  It was actually a very difficult day for me and I ended up crying throughout the day – feeling bad for her in times of sadness, feeling guilty for not being a better daughter and just missing her. 

I went through the same process on Thanksgiving searching for memories of this holiday.  Both days I ended up getting sucked in to the stories and ended up reading and crying all day, too emotionally spent to write a blog post.  So, I apologize for taking so long to make a post. 

 It took several volumes before I found anything worth writing about for her birthday.  Her birthdays were not always happy days for her.  Many years her birthday was forgotten.  For this reason, I feel like she always started out the day depressed, waiting for everyone to forget about her.   As the years went by and us kids got older (and better and remembering), her birthdays were happier events.

It was an especially hard day for her after 1994 when her brother Roger passed away on her birthday.  She wrote a great deal about his illness, which I will write about later.

I am learning so much about mom through her journals.  It is a very emotional journey to read them and to re-live much of my own life through her eyes.  She poured her heart out in her journals.  She talked about the good and the bad.  I really hope that as time goes on, I will be able to share a sense of who she really was. 

As a side note. . . I am really looking forward to Christmas.  I have found so many great things to write about, so keep an eye out for another post this week.

 

December 20, 1979 – Today is my birthday.  Not one member of my family even remembered to say happy birthday.  It has hurt me.  It goes to show how much I am thought of on this my special day.  I don’t plan to mention anything about it tonight either.  Why should I have to remind people that it is my birthday.  If they don’t remember at all that will just show me just how much I really mean to my family.  I’m just someone to wait on them hand and foot.  At least my own parents remembered me.  They sent me $10.00 and they wished me a happy birthday over the phone.  I also received beautiful cards from Bea and Juanita.  So much for my day today. 

December 28, 1979 – Well I had a nice birthday after all.  Bob had forgotten about my birthday during the day.  Frank told him it was when he got home from work.  Bob had Frank go to the tree and get my present.  He gave me a calculator with a memory for my birthday.  Cindy called me from work when she remembered and wished me a happy birthday.  I thought that was very thoughtful of her.  Cindy gave me a pretty dinner bell.

December 21, 1980 – Yesterday was my birthday.  I really had a nice day, excusing the fact that I wasn’t feeling well.  To begin the day Bea and Bill called me from Tahoe to wish me a happy birthday.  That was really a nice surprise.  Bea talked to everyone except Cindy, so it cost her some money for the phone call.  I really enjoyed talking to her.  The day was just spent shopping for Christmas.  Oh yes, Bob fixed breakfast for me after I made the batter.  In the evening, about 9:30 pm we celebrated my birthday.  Bob bought a cake and some ice cream.  On the cake he had them write happy 29^th birthday again.  Bob gave me a real nice pair of gloves and Cindy gave me a dinner bell (crystal) to add to my collection.  Lora was disappointed because Cindy had given me the bell.  She said, “Oh Mother that’s what I was going to give you for Christmas.”

December 20, 1984 – Today is my birthday.  Neither Frank or Bob remembered to wish me a happy birthday.  Bob gave me my present a few days ago.  I picked it out, a new coat with a hood.  It is a coat that will keep me nice and warm as I wait for the bus. 

December 20, 1985 – Today is my 50^th birthday.  Lora wished me a happy birthday last night.  She is coming over this afternoon to cut my hair – her birthday gift to me.  Chacha called this morning to wish me a happy birthday.  Mother just now called this morning to wish me a happy birthday.  Cindy left a birthday gift for me here, but I have not opened it yet.  I was waiting until this evening when Bob and Frank are here.  I still feel rather down today.  I suppose it is because I have been alone all day.

December 21, 1989 – At 7:30 yesterday morning the phone rang.  It was Cindy – as soon as I said hello, she and the children sang happy birthday to me.  I sure enjoyed that.

December 21, 1993 – I wanted to state in closing my chapter on Roger.  When I realized I could not return home at the appointed time, I felt complete turmoil and not at peace with myself – like I filt when investigating the church many years ago when I had made up my mind what my course of action would be, I felt at complete rest with myself.  I knew the day I was to return home would be my birthday and it would also be the day of my brother’s departure from this earthly life.  I did not share this information with my family.  They would have thought me out of my mond.  I knew they day, but not the time.

December 21, 1994 – The 20^th of December was a hard day for me.  I did a lot of remembering and crying.  I feel more at peace now.  On the whole, it was a nice day.  Mom, Dad & Tia called and talked with me and Gilbert was there so I got to talk to him also.  I felt so down until mom called.  Bea called me and we talked for a while.  It was so nice to talk to her.  Lora called me and I was crying like a baby.  She invited me out to lunch and I picked the place.  She came over with the kids and we went to Frontier Pies.  It was very nice.  When the waitress came to take our order, Lora told them it was my birthday and the employees sang happy birthday to me.  When we were finished, we went shopping at Best and then Lora brought me home where I found the present from Dad, Mom and Tia (little fruit cakes).  I loved them – so good.  When Bob got home in the evening, we left right away for the Olive Garden where we planned to have dinner.  We were never waited on and so we finally walked out and went to Denny’s where we were waited on immediately.  I had a BLT sandwich and a glass of lemonade.  After dinner we went to a movie and that was our evening.

December 19, 1995 – Tomorrow is my birthday – the big “60”.  Lora had a birthday cake for me last night.  She had it made. Tamara and Bobby bought the ice cream.  Frank came and Cindy and Wade were with us also.  They came up to do some Christmas shopping.  I received some nice cards and CD’s.

Conversion

Sorry it has taken so long to add this post.  I actually had it ready to post last week but wanted to add a picture we have yet to find.  It is a very cute picture of my mom, Bobby and Cindy all dressed up for church on Easter Sunday.  Bobby must have been around five years old and Cindy, three.  They were all dressed as described below. . . so you'll just have to imagine it for now.  As soon as we come across it, I will add it to this post. 

I have heard this story many times through out my life.  It is such a powerful story that she loved to tell.  It has more meaning knowing that the dove is a symbol of the Holy Ghost.  It has several mentions in the scriptures, but here are two that stand out to me.  I am quite certain that mom didn't know this at the time.

See:

Luke 3:22 And the Holy Ghost descended in a bodily shape like a dove upon him, and a voice came from heaven, which said, Thou art my beloved Son; in thee I am well pleased. 

1 Nephi 11:27 . . .I beheld the heavens open, and the Holy Ghost come down out of heaven and abide upon him in the form of a dove.

It was when I was about twelve years old that I began to think or was made aware of the fact that the teachings I had concerning my religion were wrong.  I was to receive my confirmation in my church.  As we children prepared for this great event in our lives we received instructions from the nuns as to the proper etiquette if we were approached by the Bishop.  I felt mortified when I learned that we were to kneel before this man, take his hand which contained his special ring and kiss it.  The thought entered my mind then that this was very wrong and I should not do this.  The only person that should hold this great honor was the Lord Himself.

Our special day arrived and I was terrified that the Bishop would come to me, which he did.  He stood in front of me, extended his hand and I stood there feeling very ridiculous.  I’m saying to myself, “No Way.”  I did not kiss his finger nor did I kneel before him.  I just stood there, I’m sure looking very stupid, and that is just how I felt.

I made my confirmation and never thought about this event again until many years later when I learned about the “true Church of Jesus Christ.”  Everything came flooding back.  The true church of Christ being “The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.”  During the time that we lived with Bob’s parents, his mother would tell me Book of Mormon stories.  I suppose you can say she planted the seed.  It was some years later after the births of Bobby and Cindy that once again I was thrown into turmoil and confusion over religion.  Bobby had reached the age when he had friends and they wanted him to attend church with them.  I never allowed it as I was Catholic, Bob a Mormon.  I felt that was enough confusion.  Bobby would cry to go to church, but I stood my ground.  One day I approached Bob and told him we had to do something concerning religion.  He would not attend my church so I convinced him to take us to his church.  These children needed a religion.  He told me he would look into it, and that we would attend church on Easter Sunday which was three weeks away.  He needed time to learn the name of the church and to find out where it was located.  In the meantime, I bought new outfits for the kids, I believe a suit for Bobby, and a beautiful yellow dress for Cindy with new white shoes, gloves, and a purse to match.  Both children looked so nice.

Bob found the church for us to attend in the Los Gatos Ward in northern California.  I found the building to be so plain.  There was a door greeter - a man who extended his hand to me to shake and he said, “Good morning sister…”  I just glared at him and said, “I am NOT your sister.”  He then turned to Bob and said, “then you must be Brother…” Bob said, “yes, Brother Sweet.”  I found everything so different from what I was used to.  I told Bob to make arrangements for someone to come to our home and speak to us about getting the kids active.  He said that he would tomorrow.  I waited over a year for that day.  Bobby was still crying to attend church, and Cindy was really too young to understand what was happening.

One day I was buffing my hard wood floors and I was working in Cindy’s bedroom when a man’s voice said to me, “Put down what you are doing and go to the phone book.”  I said, “what?”  Again the message was repeated.  I did as I was told.  I walked into the kitchen, picked up the phone book and the pages began to turn on their own.  When I looked at the book it had stopped at churches.  I saw that it stated down the page, “Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.”  Following the name of the church, I saw Stake President.  This sounded like the top man to me, so I called the number.  A man answered the phone.  Later he told me that he was never in his office at the time when I called, but he had felt impressed to be there this time.  We talked for a while and he told me that he would have missionaries come to our home the following week on Tuesday.  To make a long story short, lessons began for me, the children started attending classes, and we began to attend church together as a family.  As time went on, the missionaries asked me if I would not like to be baptized.  I always said no.  It had to be because I knew it was right.  They always said okay.  I found myself in a state of confusion and I was crying all the time.  I didn’t know what was right.  I was told that the lessons would be completed soon and I was asked again if I would like to be baptized.  I again said no.  It was about two nights later and we were sleeping.  I began to dream.  I heard Bob telling me to wake up and turn over as I was dreaming.  He kept telling me to wake up and turn over.  I finally awoke and was completely awake when a dove appeared on our bed.  It was down by my feet, moved up towards my head, never taking its eyes off me.  It had the most piercing eyes I had ever seen.  It was as though it could see right through me.  I felt so different.  From the moment the dove appeared, I knew I needed to be baptized.  I became afraid afterwards, and a man’s voice told me not to be afraid, but to go back to sleep, all would be okay.  In the morning when I awoke I began to speak to Bob about what had happened.  I said during the conversation, “and when you woke me up…”  He said, “I didn’t wake you up, I didn’t even know you were dreaming.”

When the missionaries returned I ran out to greet them and I told them I had something to tell them.  They replied, “We know you have.  You had the other day, but you just didn’t know it then.”  My testimony is, besides my love for the Lord, my children, and family, my most prized gift.  It is my greatest treasure.  I became a member of the church 21 December 1963.

Mom and Dad get married!

I have been thinking a lot about what story or entry I should post next.  Since mom’s faith was such a huge and important part of her life which she talks about frequently in her journals, I thought it might make the most sense to begin there.  Mom was born and raised in the Catholic faith and joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in 1964.  Mom was the only member of the church on her side of the family and I don’t know how many of you have heard the whole story and circumstances surrounding her conversion, so I’m hoping you will all find the next few blog postings  interesting and hopefully come to understand her choices a little better.
 

One day I was visiting with Mrs. Valencia who lived across the way.  Chacha called and told me to get right over there as her brother-in-law was there and she wanted me to meet him.  I was late in arriving and I missed him.  Several days later he came over to Chacha’s and I was there.  He asked me to go to the beach with him.  I told him I couldn’t, I didn’t have a suit.  Chacha pops in and says oh I have one you can use.  There I went to the beach with him.  I remember the beautiful tan he had.  He put baby oil on my back for me.  I got the worst burn that summer that I have ever had. 

From then on Bob and I started dating.  I returned home and several days later Bob returned to the base.  We started writing to each other.  Bob would come down and spend the weekend with us whenever he could.  We went together for two years before getting married.  We broke up once during that two years.  About a month after we broke up I heard from him and we decided to patch things up.  We talked about eloping. 

I remember having an argument with my father over Bob.  He told me he didn’t want him around anymore.  My dad and Bob really never did get along very well due to the fact of my dad’s drinking and his meanness.  I remember calling Bob up at the base and I was crying I was so upset.  Bob told me not to worry, everything would work out, we’d elope.  He said he wasn’t afraid of my father.  I just couldn’t elope without telling my mother.  It was finally decided we would have a church wedding. 

Despite my father’s meanness things did work out for us.  We had a lot to cope with such as my father’s family.  They made special trips up to San Jose to talk me out of marrying Bob.  They said he was a weird Mormon, they make slaves of their wives and that I should be like my Aunt Dorothy who had gone with a Mormon boy.  They had talked of marriage but neither would give up their religion so they broke up.

I loved Bob more than anything else in the world.  I just wasn’t going to let a difference in religion part us.  I knew his folks and had met other members of his family.  I found none of them strange.  They all looked and acted perfectly normal to me.  I finally became angered and told my relatives that it was I who would be marrying Bob and I would have to live with him, not them.  Therefor, I would do as I pleased.  Bob agreed to marry in the Catholic Church although he said he would never attend any of the services or ever become a member.  He also had told me any children we had would be raised Mormon or some other faith if I liked, but not Catholic.  I agreed to this because at the time I found myself questioning and disbelieving many things in the Catholic religion. 

In order to marry in the Catholic Church Bob had to take instructions which he did, plus he had to sign a statement that all children would be raised Catholic.  He signed the statement only so we could marry.

Things got underway for our wedding.  My folks bought me a lovely wedding gown and everything else I needed.  We were married on the 1^st of September 1956.  It was truly a day I’ll never forget.  Everything was just lovely.  We had a beautiful cake, the flowers were just lovely.  I don’t think things could have been any nicer.  We had rented a small house in Napa which was 25 miles from Travis Air Force Base where Bob was stationed.  He had six more months to go before being released from the service.